Yes
Did I really have a son?
Or was it a lovely dream?
Did he really die?
Or was that a nightmare?
Did I really use his name and image to create a mission?
Does that mission help thousands of kids every year in his honor?
I am not always sure.
Sometimes it feels like someone else’s life. As if I am imagining it….I am an actress in someone else’s play.
I can hear, see, smell him. I can close my eyes and play movies in my head from days gone by.
Then I open my eyes, live in the present and know it is okay.
I realize I still have a son…. frozen in time. A vivid memory of laughter and running and climbing and playful energy.
I smile because I realize that there really is an incredible organization spreading light and hope in his honor.
I am sure of it. The answer is yes. To all of it.
I say yes to every bit of it. Yes to feeling….all….of…it…the pain and the joy and the confusion. Yes to being alive and awake and not hiding from any of it.
Simply…..YES.